May Day Competition

‘VC-speak’ (No reference to any specific VC)

A guide for the perplexed:

“I have to be honest with you”…………………………..”I’m not being honest with you”

“I really mean it”………………………………………………”I don’t mean this”

“There is no alternative”……………………………………”There are alternatives’’

“I chose to come to this university”………………………”They offered me a shitload of money”

“I hear what you are saying”……………………………… “I shall ignore every word”

“It’s all about the students”…………………………………”It’s all about me”

“We are looking forward not at the past”………………….”We’ll keep repeating the same shit as last time”

“I believe in this university” ………………………………………. “It’s my university and I’ll do what I want to”

“Our staff are our greatest asset”……………………………….”You’re fired!”

“I believe in free speech” ………………………………………….”We are consulting our lawyers”

“We mustn’t treat staff like children”…………………………..”Managers need a safe space for their discussions”

“I know how difficult this must be for you” ………………… “Move along now, I’ve lots to get through”

“The very last thing I wish to do is dishearten you” ……. “I need you to work extra hard in the forlorn hope of keeping your job”

“Failing to align with the university mission ” ……………….” Disagreeing with my plans for the university ”

“It is important that you know the facts” …………………….. “Here comes the lies, spin, and subterfuge”

“Fearless” ……………………………………………………………….”Merciless”

“Thorough appraisal”…………………………………………………”Pre-determined decision”

Please send us your ‘VC Speak’ and the best will win a UCU mug!!!!!
HAPPY MAY DAY

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